My Body Is A Cage
by DaDoozer
Summary: Cmdr. R. Shepard, Spacer, Ruthless, Soldier, Murderer...Can it get any worse?  Not 100% Canon, a few freedoms have been taken here and there but nothing too horrible that it butchers the main story we've all come to love and obsess over err adore.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

_Authors note: Basically it's a retelling of my own Shepard's journey through madness and ME1, possibly ME2 to be thrown in, an exploration of the character(s), and a time filler. It's been awhile since I've done this sort of thing, but boredom makes you do crazy things...At any rate, I'm planning on continuing this for a few chapters - depending on feedback - and yes, there will be femshep/Liara pairing in later chapters - just don't know how I'm gonna go about telling that part just yet. Also as stated, not 100% canon - don't like it, don't read it. Annnd lastly - there will be language, adult situations, possibly sex related scenes in later chapters to come, just threw on the M to be safe._  
><em>Finally: ALL CHARACTERS,LOCATIONS, Mass Effect universe, Etc used is property of Bioware - not me(aside from my Shepard). Don't think it needed to be said but just in case...ENJOY!<em>

**_My Body is a Cage_**  
><strong><em>Sort of a Prologue: Years 2179 - 2183<em>**

Choices, Choices...

"Whatever happened to simple..."  
>She smirked bitterly to herself, casually unbuttoning the golden orbs on the blue jacket of her Systems Alliance uniform, removing her hat and tucking the navy blue beret under her arm.<p>

Why did complication always find its way into life's choices, her choices? Why did anyone care about these decisions, who would they ultimately affect if the wrong choice was made? How would you know if you made a right one, and whose it right for - Yourself? Someone else? A chosen Deity perhaps? Who's to say what is right or wrong but the very individual left making the reckless, or possibly even wise, choice that would send ripples out across the known galaxy. They should be easy, they should be efficient, they should be made based on the information and moral judgments at hand to affect a forever constant and unknown future...

_So why were her's all of a sudden so god damned senseless?_

She was labeled a heartless monster, a slayer of man, a ruthless menace, a cold soulless bitch by her subordinates and comrades. Her superiors congratulated her on her victory, their tones of false praise ringing hollow through her ears. They grudgingly padded her back with empty promises of promotion and slapped a laden medal on her chest for her tactics and success on the battlefield to get a job done by any means necessary. Was that such a surprise? She was trained to do it, ordered to do it, had to do it... why did she do it?

Instead, she was dishonorably discharged and left in a high security military prison station orbiting Mars for a couple years. It would have been more if not for her own service record as well as her own Mother's influence within the System's Alliance. War Criminals, deserters, genocidal maniacs, highly trained murderers, the mentally disturbed - all used as cheap laborers and miners for the planet below, all human. Their existence all but classified, as were any of their discoveries should anything of value beyond mineral resources be uncovered. Ever since the discovery of some Prothean relic all those years ago - the Alliance has been keeping a close eye on this entire planet.  
>Daily beatings, interrogations, metallic tasting food, constant death threats, exhaustion, frequent dehydration - this is the life they all deserved but was never advertised, of course...<p>

The Butcher of Torfan. That's what she is now, that's who she is, the ghastly scar that ripped down from her right brow to her lower left cheek was a constant reminder...no, a symbol of that. But what did it matter, she did her duty, she made sure no god forsaken Batarian made it off that hell hole of a rock alive and/or without punishment. They reaped what they sowed. Humanity doesn't respond kindly to those seeking to enslave or control them. Humanity would not be bullied by such pathetic and contemptible scum. Both sides paid a price for the monstrosities that occurred there, both paid the price with blood and succumbed to eternal damnation, however, in the end only one limped away from that particular conflict relatively intact - Humanity. Batarian's would think twice before crossing the human race again, or so she thought. All that loss of life, and they still capture humans outside council space for their slave trades, building their society and culture using the backs, blood, sweat, and tears of other species - an almost parasitic nature at best. The council does nothing about these incidents using only words against an unintelligent race of mongrels that only comprehends deadly force. The Batarian's bleated and screamed bloody murder that such accusations, investigations, and judgments were an insult against their tradition's and cultural rights and as such they cannot be touched, nothing could be done - Fucking politics, god damned idiots, cowards - every last one of them.

And now here she was, four years later, a "free" woman serving in the Alliance Military once more. Freedom had a price, however, and in this case came in the form of a contract - to serve indefinitely, her starting assignment: an executive officer aboard some experimental frigate called the SSV Normandy under the command of her former N7 instructor, David Anderson. Recruited as a favor, no doubt, some gold trimmed strings got pulled and once again she was the receiver of special treatment to keep her out of a hell hole, thanks to her Mother, Anderson, or an old friend of the family - Admiral Hackett - she'd probably never know which. Why couldn't anyone just let her be? To suffer and wallow in the memories and punishments of supposed past mistakes she had made, it's what she truly deserved - the Alliance knew it, the entire planet Earth knew it, and hell - even she was starting to believe it. And yet here she stood...dressed in blue, without protest or complaint.

She snorted contemptuously, lighting a cigarette, tilting her head as loose strands of short greasy chestnut brown hair fell away from her eyes to avoid the heat of the flame. Inhaling deeply, she felt the poisonous toxins of nicotine permeate her lungs and flush through her system, calming her nerves and causing her to instinctively exhale as she relaxed up against a cold steel colored wall. Lazily opening her eyelids, she gazed morosely upon the passing crowds of various humans that meandered through the halls of the massive Arcturus Station. Her almost golden hazel eyes darkly scanning each and every individual alike with equal bouts of disdain and distrust, the two prominent emotions engaging in a constant battle for dominance - with no real victor in the end...

Choices were made and nothing changed. Were her choices right? Or merely appropriate given the circumstances?

She shrugged it off.  
>What did it matter anymore? Why should she even care...?<p>

Only death remained, floating upon the ripples, anger swiftly arising - capping the impending waves of guilt and suffering amongst torrent rapids of a thousand hatreds that inevitably flowed freely into the black seas of space and time.

Life, if you want to call it that, carries on...

"Shepard! Let's get moving. We have our mission. And put out that cigarette!"  
>Anderson ordered, briskly marching past his newly appointed XO.<p>

"Damn things will kill you."  
>He muttered in passing.<p>

"Yes, Sir."  
>Shepard smirked, flicking her cigarette discretely to the floor, adjusting the beret back onto her head, and followed in hastened pursuit of her superior officer.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: A Rude Awakening

_Hey look! another chapter. It's sort of like a continuation off the prologue, a true beginning of my Shepard's torments, a time just before she boards the Normandy. Was listening to the composer Jeff Beal and the Carnivale soundtrack, in particular "Babylon" and "Ben heals the girl" when i wrote this...sure came out a bit darker then I originally planned, had to go back and re-write and tone down... yeesh. Anyways as always - Enjoy! _

**Chapter 2: A Rude Awakening**

Voices echoing.  
>Images, blurred and grey.<br>A stiffened body tossing vigorously back and forth upon a soft surface...

_"Enough! One more shot and we start killing hostages!"  
>A deep desperate voice bellowed. Blurred image of a Batarian, a rifle raised and poised behind a faceless kneeled human.<em>

_"HOLD FIRE! HOLD YOUR FIRE!"  
>A man's voice screamed angrily. his face twisted by the thick haze of a fading memory, but eyes remain brown and intense, skin tanned, cowering behind ...something.<em>

_"This is fucking insanity and you know it!"  
>Another man's voice panicked remarks. A younger man, scared shitless, holding his shoulder - wounded, the blood on his hands, the only recognizable color in this image.<em>

_"What have you done!"  
>It was uttered in a cold and accusatory whisper, disbelief soaked into every syllable. Hand tugging forcefully on the collar of her armor.<em>

_"Man down, repeat, Man down - MEDIC!"  
>A feminine soldier screams. Red. Everything is red, gunfire - surrounded by gunfire, movement blurs, smell of smoke and something else... Can't focus.<em>

_"I'm relieving you of your Command, Sir!"  
>Her own voice, ripe with spite and annoyance. His eyes wide and horror stricken, lips moving but not making any noise.<em>

_"KILL THEM ALL!"  
>Her own voice again. Intent and merciless. Sound of gunfire, and repetitive muzzle flash from her rifle, people falling, Batarians falling...<em>

_"Oh my god. Are you seeing this?"  
>A man's voice speaks near hysteria pointing a shaking finger to something ahead of him. Someone vomits in the near vicinity. An explosion followed by another scream "JESUS CHRIST!"<em>

"Gah!"  
>She gasped, her body shooting straight up, bed sheets flying from her physical form and to the floor. Breaths were erratic and forced, each exhale marked by desperate quiet sobs buried deep within a tightened chest and even more constricting throat. Sweat soaked her clothes, forming darkened spots that clung uncomfortably around her neck, armpits, shoulders, and chest. In a panicked rage and adrenaline high, she flailed violently to get her shirt off and head over the side of the bed, ripping the fabric, feeling claustrophobic and sick at the same time. Her hair was damp, thick brown strands sticking to her face - interfering with her eyesight. Dried blood stuck to her upper lip and beneath her nose, the overpowering taste of iron in the back of her throat. Glancing to her pillow, it too was stained a reddened hue - Nosebleed, a frequent side effect to a rarely used biotic implant and vividly violent dreams.<p>

"God... damn it..."  
>She cursed to herself in between struggled breaths, reluctantly turning her body, bare feet making direct contact with the cold tiled floor, instantly sending an unforgiving chill up her spine. Resting her elbows on her knees, she lay her moistened face into shaky open palm hands, sliding still trembling fingers over her scalp and through unkempt chestnut colored hair. Heavy eyelids clamped firmly shut over amber pupils, the rough sound of gritted teeth within a tense jaw and terse cheek muscles echoed through her ears, she tried hard to concentrate on breathing, even harder to forget the memories attached to those images... the voices...that uneasy queasiness forming in the pit of her stomach.<br>Sluggishly she rose to her feet, stumbling blindly through a darkened room to a nearby desk, her movement instantly alerting a motion sensor lamp to flicker to life.

A woman stood, topless, hunched over and tired, her slender figure glistening with sweat in the dull blue light. Hair short and layered with natural colors of both red and brown. Face scarred, nose slightly out of joint - previously broken and pushed to sit further to the right of her face rather than central. Eyes a dull amber - their natural beauty stolen and shadowed by the dark circles that manifested upon pale skin beneath each orb. Height around 5'8'', age late twenties perhaps, barely gracing 110lbs. More scar's of singular pale white lines littered their way across her right hip and left forearm, and an even larger scar marked her upper right thigh just barely visible where her shorts cut off. She looked half starved, her ribcage becoming more pronounced with every passing day she refused to eat.

She groaned in annoyance while rubbing her eyelids in response to the sudden change of lighting, white spots clinging persistently to her peripheral vision. Shepard loomed uneasily over her desk - fingers sliding lazily over a keypad lock on the first drawer. Inside lay a bottle of 35 year old scotch (unopened), a small flickering holo picture of a distinguished military family of "four", a pack of cigarettes and accompanying lighter, and lastly an Elkoss Combine manufactured pistol, military issue - Edge MK V.  
>The pistol... her calloused touch was slow and sensual as she caressed it's black ribbed handle, the slick smooth length of the barrel and sights, the bulky rectangular shape and damaged scratched surface, the protruding safety switch on the side, and finally the bittersweet coolness of the metal trigger - effortlessly seducing her index finger - begging to be embraced...<p>

Butcher. Monster. Coward. Massacre. Criminal. Dishonor. Murderer. Disgrace. Potential Wasted. Liar. Bitch. Insensitive. Inhumane. Weak. Unforgivable. Blame. Judgment. Failure. Racist. Unstable. Traitor...

_"You dare call yourself a Shepard! You're not my daughter! You are a disgrace!"  
>Her father's voice boomed amidst softer but still stern pleas from her mother asking her what she had done, to explain to her...<em>

_"Commander Shepard, your hereby found guilty of manslaughter, disobedience against a commanding officer, and the unforgivable executions of confirmed prisoners of war - and are hereby to be stripped of..."_  
><em>A woman's voice read aloud, droning on and on, her tone monotone and robotic - her eyes cold and judgmental.<em>

_"Are you sure we did the right thing?"_  
><em>A friend's voice, frail and weak, one of the few survivors of Torfan.<em>

_"Where are my sons! Where are my boys!"_  
><em>An old woman screamed falling to her knees, her agony ridden green eyes piercing through Shepard's, plunging deep into her heart and penetrating her soul. The woman's hands held a holo above her head in a crowd of agitated rioters, a pair of well dressed young men - brothers, twins to be exact, Shepard knew them both... This was the so called welcoming committee for the surviving soldiers.<em>

_"Get up you pathetic waste of shit..."_  
><em>Pain in her chest, a uniformed man's boot in gut, a hand upon her throat, an onyx colored club dangling leisurely at his side...dripping...dripping red.<em>

Shepard's stare became dismal, her mind flooding with rampant memories associated with each of those words, the waves of regret drowning the all ready weak will to live, and pushing the foreboding weapon of death closer to her skull. As she felt the muzzle make contact with her right temple, her head bowed in unbearable shame, succumbing helplessly to the darkest desire of a shattered soul. Her fingers tightened around the hilt, her body tensed.  
><em>"Just one bullet - end it, no more dreams, no more feeling, no more anger, your key to peace held firmly in the palm of your hand."<em>  
>Her chest rose and fell at an increased rate, her jaw tightened once more, her posture straightened, a struggled cry escaped her still bloodied lips, and then...<p>

*Crash*  
>The pistol hit the desk, dropped, safety clicked back on.<p>

Silence.  
>Ragged breathing.<br>A heartbeat drumming swiftly.  
>Faint hum of electricity.<br>Unhurried, repetitive drops of water hitting a hard surface.

"No..."  
>She muttered hoarsely to her chest.<br>Her hands collapsing into frustrated fists.  
>"I'm not done yet."<br>Shepard growled defiantly to herself, knuckles whitening, swiping the gun back into her desk drawer.

Collapsing to the floor, she attempted to let herself relax, her muscles sore, and head spinning in unending nausea inducing circles. Almost instinctively she reached up and grasped for the half empty cardboard box in the still open drawer - containing her cigarettes and a small, silver, Alliance insignia engraved lighter. Breathing heavily she rattled the case, freeing a couple of the cylindrical stick's from their confines. Bringing her chapped lips to the box, she grasped one in between her teeth and relaxed her head back against the desk while flicking the switch to her lighter.

Sparks.  
>More Sparks.<br>Nothing.

"Figures."  
>Shepard sighed, removing the stick of tightly wrapped tobacco from her lips and holding it inches in front of her face alongside the empty lighter, her amber eyes narrowing on the rebellious duo.<p>

"Damn things will kill you..."  
>She smirked, recalling Anderson's comment.<p>

Releasing an agitated groan, she forced herself up, throwing the two objects within her grasp heedlessly back into her desk. She proceeded out into a hallway, through a door, the soft pads of her feet against a hard surface echoing through the still air. Nonchalantly stripping the rest of her clothing, she entered a small bathroom containing a broken faucet sink, shards of glass from an overhead broken mirror gathered in its basin, as well as a stand up shower just across from it.  
><em>Barely enough room to breathe in the confined space, never mind clean oneself...<em>  
>Water roared to life from the chrome colored showerhead, steam quickly arising and buffeting it's way to the ceiling - embracing the now naked form of the Commander. The tepid water caressed her skin, awakening every nerve across every inch of her damaged self, temporarily cleansing the filth from both her mind and body...<p>

She stared at her own reflection upon a steel wall, it's reflection contorted but still familiar, for what seemed countless hours - her face twisted in a portrayal of emotions that matched both uncertainty and disgust. Navy blue BDU's, beret, combat boots, hair short and slicked back behind her ears.  
>She used to be proud of this image.<br>She used to adore this life.  
>At least she thought she did, it all felt strange - like all of those memories were a lifetime ago and also no longer hers, it felt like she was seeing a life through another individuals eyes.<br>Sniffling, her eyesight dropped back down to her hand. She stood motionless, holding only a pair of brand new dog tags in her palm, the chain dangling between curled fingers, the faint light of her room glistening off the smooth metallic faces of the tags - reflecting strips of dull white light that danced almost whimsically across Shepard's face.

**Shepard, R.  
>B, Positive<br>5923-AC-2826  
>No Preference.<strong>

On the back - an engraved design of the SSV Normandy SR-1, labeled as such in bold print beneath the picture. In between slender digits she twirled the flat plates, immeasurable pangs of guilt and flares of anger flashed across her eyes every time she read them.

Suddenly her omni tool began to beep.  
>"And good morning, world..."<br>Shepard sighed sarcastically holding out her left forearm. She activated the luminescent orange device, taking her directly to unanswered messages. Four from Captain H. Shepard, and one from Captain D. Anderson.

_**"Shepard. I don't know where you are, but if you don't want spend the next 80 years in prison getting ass-fucked by inmates and maintaining mining equipment, I suggest you get yourself down to the docking bay and on board the Normandy, double time, soldier! Launch is scheduled at 0800."**_

Her brow furrowed.  
><em>He sounded pissed. <em>  
>Shooting a quick glance to her holo-alarm clock reading 0500 and back to her omni tool reading 0700...and...<p>

"Aw, shit!"


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome Aboard

"Standby. Decontamination in Progress."  
>Shepard stood, breathless, a tattered army green duffel bag draped over her right shoulder. Her free hand running carefully through disheveled hair in a vain attempt to put it back in its rightful place beneath her beret.<p>

"Great..."  
>Shepard muttered into thin air, her voice less then ecstatic.<p>

Trapped in a damn pressure lock cycle, awaiting entrance onto the Normandy, with mere moments to spare before launch. Nausea returned as her icy stare focused intently on the doors before her. Nervous maybe, she thought. She had no reason to be - this situation wasn't anything unfamiliar to her. She grew up on star ships, military life was all she knew, her parents both officers, her decade of service and training had her pegged for this - so why was she all of a sudden ready to spill the contents of her stomach onto the floors of a decontamination chamber. Responsibility maybe, she didn't like the idea of command - not again, not after the maelstrom of shit she got buried in when she attempted last time.

"Decontamination Complete. XO Shepard is aboard."

Oh, wonderful. A feminine synthesized voice and ship wide announcement protocol, how formal.  
>The steel doors of the internal hull opened with a loud hiss, revealing hundreds of blinking lights, a passing crewman, voice chatter, and of course standing at attention, arms behind his back, adorned in dress blue's - towered a dark skinned Captain Anderson.<p>

"There you are. I was worried I was going to have to post pone the launch and send an armed guard out to retrieve you, Commander."  
>His words were sarcastic but not entirely without notes of concern.<p>

"Permission to board, Captain."  
>Her salute was crisp, her posture straight, her eyes focused and stern - void of emotion as she stared towards her commanding officer.<p>

"Granted. Welcome aboard the Normandy, Commander Shepard. Walk with me a moment."  
>He ordered, returning the salute.<p>

"Yes sir."  
>She nodded, following in step just behind and to the side of Anderson, careful not to make eye contact with any of the crew just yet.<p>

"I'm aware you maybe a little rusty at this - 2 years..in that hellhole couldn't have been an easy life, Commander."  
>His pace slowed as he glanced back, his eyes softened, and hesitated a moment before continuing on the allotted path towards the comm room.<br>"But trust me when I say you're the only person suitable for this mission - you were handpicked for this assignment so don't go thinking this is some sort of _pity cruise_."  
>He spat the last two words.<p>

"Of course, sir"  
>Shepard confirmed, her voice monotone. She wanted to believe him, but something deep in the back of her mind argued otherwise.<p>

They stopped before the door, saluting a positioned guard nearby.

"Commander. Go get your stuff stashed below decks and settled in, and for god's sake get some food into yourself or something- you look like shit. It'll be a bit before we hit the Arcturus Prime mass relay."

"Aye, Aye Captain"  
>Shepard smirked, saluting once more.<p>

"And Shepard. If I see those cigarettes aboard my ship..."  
>He cautioned lowering his voice, narrowing a hardened gaze.<p>

"Won't happen, sir"

She watched as he nodded sternly and hastily disappeared into the comm room, before something else caught her attention. A glimpse of something. Narrowing her sights around the corner of barrier between her and the Galaxy map, she noticed an individual glaring right back at her. He had a fringe, mandibles twitching, white tattooed markings shimmered in the vibrant glow of the hovering galaxy map separating them. They decorated his bird-like? or reptilian? featured face. Was that a Turian?  
>Shepard arced an intrigued eyebrow towards him, in response to his unwavering stare before he finally continued on about his business - parading his armored and heavily armed self to the cockpit, his stride proud and overfilled with purpose.<p>

"Hello to you too"  
>She sneered under her breath, making her way to the lower decks...<p>

* * *

><p>"How is she?"<br>A raspy deep voice inquired over the comm link.

"The ship or my XO."  
>Anderson chuckled lightly.<p>

"Lieutenant Commander Shepard, Captain. I'm aware she's on board with you now."  
>The deep voice continued.<p>

"She's unreadable Admiral, but I assure you she will get the job done to the best of her abilities. She maybe mentally battered, but she is far from broken. And if she's anything like her parent's..."  
>His voice trailed off...<p>

"I hope your right, we're taking a lot of risks placing her back on active duty. She fails, it's all our ass's on the line."

Anderson folded his arms.  
>"I don't train failures or lost causes, Admiral. Torfan - as unfortunate of situation as it was, she DID get the job done."<p>

"Getting more than half of her own squad killed, Captain - We both know we can't afford casualties like that, NOT with the Normandy."  
>A crackled sigh filled the comm room, static was getting worse - they would be out of range soon.<br>"See to it she behaves as an officer should, we can't afford any more bad press on this..."  
>The admirals voice lingered but never continued after a struggled pause.<p>

"Is that the kind of person we want to risk with protecting a galaxy?"  
>Another man's voice sneered, his tone dripping with disdain.<p>

Anderson nodded and confirmed,  
>"It's the only type of person who can, Udina..."<p>

* * *

><p>"The Arcturus prime relay is in range, initiating transmission sequence."<br>The pilots voice rang over the intercom as Shepard hastily progressed up the stairs leading to the command deck.

"Commander."  
>A young Corporal addressed her in passing, as she barely avoided a collision with him.<p>

"We are connected, calculating transit mass and destination"  
>Her pace quickened, cold amber eyes intently fixating themselves on the cockpit down the spacious corridor ahead after brushing past the Navigator and his station, feeling his eyes on her as she passed.<p>

"The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector"  
>"All stations secure for transit."<br>Stopping short of the pilots chair, positioning herself alongside the Turian she had spotted earlier, her brow furrowed at a closer inspection of him but was quickly distracted by the Mass relay that hovered in the distance outside in the blackness of space. The pulsating energy mass of it's eezo core shone brilliantly, almost hypnotic, as two massive circular rings twisted and twirled around it - harnassing it.

"The board is green. Approach run has begun."  
>She shifted her feet, standing at attention, folding an arm behind her back and grasping a nearby bulkhead for support with the other.<p>

"Hitting the relay in 3...2...1"  
>The jump was quick, the initial inertia force of the sudden propelled movement swiftly dissipating as the dampeners kicked in.<p>

"Thrusters check, navigation check. Internal emissions sink engaged. all systems online. Drift...just barely under 1500k."  
>The pilot before her ran through the checklist, precise and by the book.<br>Flight Lt. Jeff Moreau aka Joker, birth date 2155, joined the Alliance Navy at 18, graduated top of his class - one of the best, chosen specifically to fly the most advanced ship to date. She gave him credit, he deserved to be here, at least that was her judgment of the man according to her findings in his file.

"1500 is good. Your Captain will be pleased."  
>The Turian complimented, turning on his heel to leave. Shepard watched him intently as he departed the cockpit, still gauging him.<p>

"I hate that guy..."  
>Joker muttered, as he continued closely monitoring the Normandy's condition and plotted trajectory.<p>

"Pft. Nihlus gives you a compliment, so... you hate him. That makes perfect sense, Joker."  
>A man spoke, seated on the opposite side of the pilot. Hair was black, tanned skin, soft puppy dog brown eyes. Shepard shook her head, breaking her gaze, recalling the facts of his file in her mind.<br>Lt. Kaidan Alenko, head of the Normandy's marine detail, and known biotic - Sentinel class. Basic combat pistol training, born 2151, exposed in utero to eezo due to an accident and luckily somehow managed to survive. Received training for his biotics out on Jump Zero, returned to the Alliance in 2173.

"Remembering to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom that's good, I just jumped us half way across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead so that's incredible! Besides Spectres are trouble, I don't like having them on board, call me paranoid..."

"All right. Your paranoid. It only makes sense that the council send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yup, that is the official story, but only an idiot believes the official story."

"Enough. Both of you."  
>Shepard barked, assuming an authoritative posture with arms tucked behind her back, still refusing to make eye contact.<p>

The two officers shared a look of shock and surprise, before Alenko glanced back.  
>"Of course Commander.. I err.. Sorry, Commander."<p>

_They weren't wrong, she thought idly. She, for the most part, agreed with Joker - you don't send Spectres on a simple shakedown run. Even though her knowledge of "Spectres'" was limited at best, she knew enough that they were frequently viewed as the symbolic "canaries" for trouble and the council in their infinite wisdom wouldn't have sent one if they didn't think there was a threat._  
>Shepard gently traced the pads of her thumb and index finger across her eyelids and pinched the bridge of her disjointed nose.<br>_Routine mission the report had said, as she recalled. A Turian representative of the council to oversee, it had clearly (if only a tad vague) stated. No. Something wasn't right here...  
><em>

Her thoughts were halted when she noticed a pair of inquisitive brown orbs directed at her, Alenko's eyes, she could see him out the corner of hers as he looked her figure up and down. Reluctantly shifting her gaze to stare back, he instinctively cleared his throat and casually maneuvered himself back to his duties.

"Something on your mind, Lieutenant?"  
>Shepard inquired, arcing an un-amused eyebrow, folding her arms beneath her breasts.<p>

"No ma'am, I was just looking... err I mean I wasn't, not at you - well, yes at you but I didn't mean to imply anything that..."

"Joker status report!"  
>Anderson's voice barked, the sudden communication discontinuing Alenko's timid stuttering. She watched him as he partook in a treasured sigh of relief, bringing a hand to rub at the right temple of his skull.<p>

Joker's chuckle was barely audible - but did not go unnoticed by the supervising Commander.  
>"Just cleared the mass relay captain, stealth systems engaged, everything looks solid."<br>He stated, a cocksure grin plastered across his face.

"Good. Find us another comm buoy and link us into the network, I want mission reports relayed into Alliance brass before we arrive at Eden Prime."

"Aye aye. Better brace yourself, Captain. Think Nihlus is heading your way."

"He's all ready here, Joker."  
>Shepard cleared her throat, an entertained smirk tugging at the corners of her lips as she watched Joker plant his face into an open palm, mouthing a silent curse.<br>"Notify the Commander to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing."  
>Anderson finished sternly.<p>

"You get that Commander?"  
>Joker groaned, looking back towards her.<p>

"Great, you piss him off and I get to pay for it. Story of my life..."  
>She griped bitterly, lazily turning on her feet and proceeding in a laid back pace back towards the comm room.<p>

"Hey, it's not my fault! The Captains always pissed..."  
>Joker muttered in attempts at self redemption.<p>

"Notice how he's only pissed when being forced to talk to you Joker..."  
>Kaidan remarked pompously.<p>

Joker narrowed his eyes on the man to his right, his face scrunched into a scowl before morphing into a sly grin.  
>"So...See anything you liked back there, Lieutenant sir?"<p>

"God damn it..."  
>Kaidan spat in exasperation, smacking a fist into his console, an unwelcome blush creeping it's way across his cheeks.<p>

* * *

><p>"Man, I can't wait to see some real action! You dont think we'll be staying on Eden Prime for long do ya, doc?"<br>A young man's excitedly remarked and questioned - catching Shepards attention over the constant background hum of surrounding technology and ships engines, along with the frenzied buzz of voices issuing commands or spreading gossip all around.

"I sincerely hope your joking, Corporal Jenkins. Your sort of real action usually results in me patching crewmembers up in the infirmary."  
>An elderly woman scoffed, standing alongside the younger male, a certain haughtiness wrapped around her tongue as she spoke.<p>

"Here I thought that was your job doctor, we fight - you fix us up, no?"  
>Shepard intruded into the conversation as she approached, her tone cynical.<p>

"I know how things work Commander."  
>She glared towards Shepard.<br>"I just think it's foolish to go out of your way looking for trouble. You would both do well to learn from the Captains example - he's not afraid of combat but also knows the value of restraint."

"You know what? I wholeheartedly agree, Doctor. I'll go ahead and throw that on my to-do list right after this debriefing..."  
>Shepard's sarcasm dripped like venom from bared fangs as she dominantly pushed herself in between the two individuals.<p>

"Hey Commander!"  
>Jenkins cheerfully piped up, grasping her shoulder lightly before she could get out of ear's reach.<p>

She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn to face him, she merely waited - working on her resolve to hide the annoyed expression written across her face, and also the count to five for him to remove his hand.

"What do you think of all this, I mean I'm just a little excited with the Spectre on board, you think we'll find anything down on Eden Prime?"

Shepard took a deep breath.  
>"I think..."<br>She turned to face Cpl. Jenkins, giving his hand a quick swat off her shoulder.  
>"I think you should keep your head on the mission at hand. The doctor is right, it isn't wise to go looking for trouble, it'll just get you and the people around you killed."<br>Shepard paused, catching a quick downward glance from both the doctor and Jenkins.

"What exactly do either of you know about Spectres?"  
>She asked curiously, feigning disinterest.<p>

"Only that they work directly off orders from the Citadel Council. That they operate outside and above the law and that basically they're a shadow organization handed the duty to protect and preserve Galactic stability."  
>Dr. Chakwas shrugged.<p>

"Yea, protect it at any costs! Don't forget that part."  
>Jenkins eyes lit up as he moved his focus back towards Shepard.<p>

"You'd probably make a good Spectre. What you did on Torfan, I mean you showed everyone what you could do, that's exactly what they're looking for. Ruthless efficiency, success at any cost, show no mercy!"  
>He shook his fists playfully ahead of him, punctuating each reason with a left jab and right hook through the open air between them.<p>

_"You are a god forsaken disgrace! A menace and a bloody traitor! Get out of my sight!"  
>Her father's voice echoed and thundered menacingly in the back of her head, triggering something, causing her to visibly cringe as she felt the sharpened serrated edged teeth of those words sinking deep into her.<em>

Instantly Shepard's own fists leapt from her side with the speed of lighting with immeasurable force behind them as she grasped hold of the Corporal's collar, shoving him hard into a nearby wall, holding him firmly in place. Her eyes boiled with the intensity of an exploding sun - boring deep into the confused gaze of the young corporal as he grasped at her white knuckled hands. Her body shook with unfiltered, uncontrollable rage, her jaw clenched and left eye twitched as anger seethed and bubbled through her veins, clouding all reason from entering her mind and temporarily subduing her self control.

"Commander!"  
>The doctor hollered, surprised, signaling a nearby guard for aid.<p>

Shepard's breathing became both shallow and rushed, droplets of sweat visible forming on her brow, her stare unwavering, a small viscous trail of blood lingering downwards from her left nostril - dripping fluidly to the floor.

"I didn't enjoy Torfan! I only did what I had to. There was nothing glorious about it, Corporal!"  
>She growled, hovering a mere couple of disconcerting inches from his fear stricken face.<p>

"I know, Commander, I didn't mean - that came out wrong. Just relax! I'm sorry!"  
>He sputtered, lifting his hands in open palms of surrender on either side of his head.<p>

"Let's get one thing out of the way, soldier. This romanticism of yours ends right now, it's a plague on the brain and it won't do anyone on this vessel any good, especially you."  
>Shepard released her hold on the boy almost as quickly as she had initially established it, letting a shaky breath exit her lungs, avoiding eye contact again - especially with Jenkins. Sliding a sleeved arm across her face, she lowered her voice.<br>"Just do your job, follow my orders, and there won't be any more trouble is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am! Transparently clear, Commander. Won't happen again."  
>He saluted, out of obligation or maybe distraction, it was certainly no longer out of respect - before quickly taking his leave of the command deck. The elderly doctor hesitated for a moment, withdrawing a grey handkerchief from her medical uniform, cautiously facing Shepard with a stare of sympathy and disappointment. This sort of behavior wasn't anything strange to her but it also wasn't a welcomed development. Shepard lifted her face, spotting the doctor's brilliant green eyes and recognized all too well what they were telling her.<p>

"I should go..."  
>Shepard's voice croaked, simply accepting the smokey grey colored fabric from the Doctors extended hand as Shepard gently maneuvered around her and through the awaiting comm room doors.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4: For Humanity

The entrance of the Lieutenant Commander into the Comm room went largely unannounced, aside from the little display that transpired outside. And even though the steel and palladium enforced doors - designed to resist the immense pressures of space in case the hull was ever compromised, deflect high velocity energy rounds from any sort of standard firearm, cancel out any skilled hacking attempts with a state of the art firewall - were closed, they could not disperse or hinder the dozen pairs of daunted eyes that she could still feel searing into the back of her skull. Their confusion and overpowering stunned silence hanging thick in the air and hitting Shepard's shoulders like a load of bricks dropped from a twelve story building in a standard earth gravity atmosphere. Even long after the doors had sealed and locked shut behind her - the resilient smouldering embers of their gaze still lingered, subsequently adding wisps of smoke to an all ready thick haze that clouded and swirled around Shepard's disorganized sub conscious...

"Commander Shepard."  
>A familiar voice addressed her, instantly grasping her attention and throwing her back into reality.<br>"I was hoping you'd get here first. Give us the chance to talk."

A scowl couldn't help itself from slowly creeping over Shepard's face, her pace cautiously slowing on approach.

"I was ordered to meet here for a debriefing Turian, where's Captain Anderson?"  
>She stated and inquired coldly, her gaze intense and suspicious - never wavering from the Spectre's own stare.<br>"He's on his way, listen, tell me about this world we're going to - Eden Prime was it?"  
>He spoke, the casualness of his voice and haughtiness of his posture slowly beginning to annoy her.<p>

"I'm sorry, did I give you the impression I was some tourist on vacation?"  
>Shepard smirked sardonically, folding her arms, and leaning composedly back on her right leg.<p>

This elicited an amused guffaw from the deep brown skinned black armoured Turian.  
>"It's more than just a tourist destination isn't it, Commander. It's a symbol of your people, one that proves you can not only colonize on other worlds but also protect them."<br>He thought out loud, his eyes never leaving Shepard's as paced back and forth across the confines of the circular designed communications room.  
>"But how safe are they really?"<br>He stooped, leaning in arrogantly before Shepard's face, intruding carelessly into her personal space, his mandibles twitching ever so slightly, and a thick plate over his left eye shifted upwards - giving the look of an analytical raised eyebrow expression.

"Is that a threat, you trying to scare me Spectre?"  
>She mocked, a faint bemused chuckle riding the edges of her words.<p>

" You should know that the galaxy can be a dangerous place, especially to newcomers."  
>Nihlus informed casually, half-heartedly studying the talons on his left hand.<br>"So I've heard. Is there a point somewhere in all this?"  
>A tired sigh emanating from Shepard's chest as she spoke, lolling her head from side to side in an attempt to untie a building stress induced knot forming in the back of her neck.<p>

"Merely curious, Commander. Is the Alliance truly ready for this? Is humanity?"  
>Nihlus inquired, folding his arms, his sharp black talons now resting on the crooks of his elbows - tapping distractingly on his armour whilst cocking his head to the right.<p>

"And you've officially lost me, Spectre..."  
>Shepard frowned, confusion etched blatantly across her features.<p>

Just then another hiss caught her attention, causing her head to pivot at an angle on her spine to glance backwards towards the new arrival.

"I think it's about time we brought the Commander up to speed on this."  
>Anderson stated, lowering his all ready deepened voice.<p>

"Captain."  
>Shepard dutifully saluted, altering her posture to stand at attention.<p>

Anderson returned it before continuing his plotted stride to take a position next to the Turian Spectre. Shepard's eyes narrowed in a quick attempt to read either of them but to no avail.

"This is far more than just a simple shakedown run."  
>Nihlus finally stated.<p>

"Glad we got that cleared up, any other life altering announcements in that suit of yours or..."  
>Sarcasm began infiltrating its way into her speech again, tangling itself into every word and claiming them prevailingly as its own.<br>"We're making a covert pick up on the planet, that's why we needed the Normandy and her cutting edge stealth drives.", Anderson interrupted, placing himself between Nihlus and Shepard - shooting a hard disciplined stare that caused Shepard's usual crass and arrogant demeanour to temporarily falter. She felt something shatter in the back of her mind, a wall, when that stare collided with her own. The force of the crumbling debris clearing away a small patch of the haze that constantly polluted her brain - she noticed something familiar in those eyes...  
>A fondness.<br>An unquestionable trust.  
>A tiny but meaningful sense of respect for him. A respect she decided to act off of.<p>

"Makes sense, what's the payload, Captain?"  
>She asked, a degree of civility taking back her voice.<p>

"A research team unearthed some sort of beacon beneath the surface, they're saying it's Prothean in origin."

"Prothean. Like the one we found on Mars?"  
>Anderson nodded once, turning his body to face a flickering holographic image of a Prothean ruin that Nihlus had brought up over the comm consoles.<br>"Exactly. This is big Shepard. Discovering that beacon all those years ago jumped our technology forward by at least 200 years, if we can obtain this beacon before anyone else in the traverse..."

"Obviously this goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in council space."  
>The distinguished Turian interrupted, informing her, making a quick and precise re-entry back into the conversation.<p>

"Oh how cute, we're sharing. Is that... is that what we're doing? Giving the council a friendly lick on the hand, hoping for a reward pat on the head?"  
>Shepard smirked, a disgusted tone of amusement catching her with ease before her amber orbs caught Anderson's stare again - snapping her back into a proper tone and posture expected of her rank.<p>

"Get off your high horse, Shepard - we've all ready got the ill marked reputation of being selfish and too independent, even dangerous through their eyes, it's time we as humanity 'grow up' and make amends. Besides, they know more about the Prothean's then we do, and we could all reap the benefits of this in a shorter time period."  
>The Captain informed her - his tone hinting to Shepard that he would take no more of her bullshit over the subject.<p>

"Understood sir."

Silence engulfed the bubbled confines of the comm room, while Anderson lingered dominantly before Shepard, keeping a firm gaze on her as she stood silently at attention before him, her eyes looking up to meet his. Shepard's once uncaring and unreadable expression faltered without resistance as she shamefully let her eyes fall to her feet, unable to maintain the hardened outer shell from her mentor - the remembered respect for him taking quick root and re-building deep within her chest where her heart still reluctantly pulsed...

"This wasn't the only reason we called you in here, Commander. Nihlus here wants the chance to evaluate you in action."  
>Anderson lowered his voice, softened it.<p>

"What? Why?"  
>A degree of panic leapt through her throat as she spoke, her eyes shot up, widened in evident surprise.<p>

"Humanity wants to play a larger role in shaping interstellar policy, we want more say with the citadel council - the Spectres represent the councils power and authority. If they're willing to accept a human into their ranks, it will show how far the Alliance has come."  
>The experienced Captain continued, taking a step back from his XO, allowing the accompanying Turian ample opportunity to rejoin the conversation.<p>

"I was impressed when I read the reports on Torfan, a grim business, but you got the job done. That's why I'm pushing your name forward for Spectre candidacy."

Eyes pried themselves open even wider as the words echoed through her head.  
><em>Spectre candidacy...<br>Oh sweet Jesus, I am going to kill Jenkins..._  
>Her mouth slowly parted open and subsequently closed, her body visibly trying to form words without thought or voice.<br>Instinctively she cleared her throat, terminating her own silence.

"Your joking. This is some sick Turian attempt at a joke, right? "  
>She simply stated in disbelief, attempting to compose herself without making it look like she had been shaken.<p>

"Shepard, please take this opportunity seriously - this is our chance...your chance at redemption, do it for humanity, Commander, this isn't just about you. "

"God damn it, Anderson! I don't want redemption! And this sounds like it has everything to do with me! Listen, I just..."  
>Her voice began to quiver, her resolve and and her rising temper battling for dominance.<br>"I'm not exactly a great representative to sponsor humanity with this, Captain - surely you have better candidates with less of a death toll attached to their name in mind, like Alenko? Or maybe one of the..."

"Captain! We got a problem"  
>A distressed young pilots voice interrupted, halting Shepard's tongue, pausing her desperate rant.<br>"What's wrong, Joker?"  
>Anderson barked.<br>"Emergency transmission from Eden Prime, You're going to wanna see this."  
>Joker informed.<br>"Put it on screen through the comm room, Joker."  
>The Captain ordered.<p>

Gunfire, Explosions. A soldier adorned in white. Heavy fighting amidst ominous darkened grey skies.  
>"Get Down!", she screamed - shoving the camera man to the ground, as she bolted back into cover, returning fire.<br>More gunfire. Dirt flew turbulently through the air, peppering the lense, as another explosion rattled and obscured the view, the camera man's sudden instinct to move to safety taking hold. Suddenly a gruff helmeted marines face flooded the view, his gaze never holding the camera's for long.  
>"We're under heavy fire! Taking heavy casualties, repeat HEAVY CASULTIES! We can't gnrrgh gah.."<br>A shot grazed through the marine's helmet, dropping him lifelessly to the ground. Obviously a fatal shot, silencing him eternally.

Suddenly, a deep groan thundered through the Normandy's speakers, followed by the churning, grinding, hum of a large engine building in intensity as a high pitch shrieking comparable to the transmitting of a warped digital signal combined with the creaking of metallic bulkheads being crushed by immense pressure - travelled through the air creating a deafening haunting symphony of terrifying noise. It was like a perverted whale song - with the reverse effect of instead of bringing peace and relaxation to the mind - robbed it of you...

"What is it...?"  
>Anderson thought out loud. Concern and uncertainty strangling the calmness of his usual demeanour.<br>An image held for a split second on the screen, fuzzy but still recognizable. An image that gripped everyone's fear ridden and awe-stricken attention.  
>Shepard's eyes narrowed on the image, taking a spot next to her bewildered CO, in an attempt to get a closer more in depth look. Something about it disturbed her greatly as she felt her chest tighten, vastly limiting the supply of air to her lungs.<p>

It was a ship. Unknown in origin - neither individual within the comm room recognized it. It  
>was surrounded in red lightning and suffocating mists of dark atmospheric clouds or exhaust maybe, it's landing struts looking more like a crustaceans legs or even mechanical tentacles - it looked unnatural.<br>The camera then shuddered and flipped vigorously, falling heedlessly to the ground.  
>Nothing.<br>Static...  
>Blackness.<br>Silence.

"I'll do it."  
>Shepard uttered simply, slightly unsure of her reasons still, but felt compelled to investigate this further. The sudden arrival of this unknown alien ship and uncovering of a Prothean beacon was far too convenient to be coincidence. <em>Besides, <em>she thought_, it's either this or prison - this should prove more interesting..._

Anderson placed a heavy hand on his XO's shoulder, giving her a quick nod of approval.  
>"Grab your gear and meet in the cargo hold, tell Jenkins and Alenko to suit up - they'll be accompanying you to the surface. Good Luck Commander."<p>

"Aye, aye sir"


	5. Chapter 5: Bad Apple

_What's a lub dub? it's a heartbeat and convenient divider between thoughts, carry on!_

* * *

><p>"I'm not sure I like putting my life in the hands of a Turian, sir!"<br>She shouted above gusting winds rushing into the cargo hold, her voice barely climbing over the roaring sound of Normandy's engines which threatened to deafen them all.

"You don't have to like it, Commander. Your an Alliance marine, just do the job, secure the cargo, and attend the debriefing! Haul ass and move out!"  
>The commanding tone of Anderson's voice in combination with narrowed eyes were enough to grudgingly withdraw a salute from his protégé before she dutifully departed the Normandy's cargo hold and set a reluctant foot upon Eden Prime's dirt soiled surface.<p>

_***Lub* *Dub***_

The first footsteps of a longer, yet to be revealed, journey were created as three pairs of heavy combat booted feet acquainted themselves with freshly disturbed ground, creating thin brown clouds of dust to buffet up into the air and hover about their armored kneecaps before settling back down upon the ground it originated from.

"Oh god...what happened here?"  
>The shaken voice Corporal Jenkins flooded the comm as his eyes took in his surroundings.<p>

Shepard cautiously marched forward withdrawing the Hahne Kedar Lancer I Assault rifle off her back, abruptly kneeling before a small slough - curiously dropping her hand to trace some track's in the mud she didn't recognize as human before glancing back up and around, scanning the perimeter, her rifle aimed readily as the sounds of heavy fighting in the distance caught her attention.

"What the hell are those?"  
>Kaidan spoke out, watching a large white balloon-like creatures with slender black tentacles languidly dangling down it's backside and four gnarly arms that just hung aimlessly at its sides as it drifted about, emitting a distinct hissing noise as it flew by.<p>

"Gas Bag's, don't worry they're harmless they just float ar..."

A gunshot ripped through the air, puncturing the body of the nearest bulbous creature and subsequently caused it to explode, tender chunks of flesh dropping into the murky waters of the bog, and peppering Lieutenant Alenko's visor with its gory remains.

"Damn!"  
>Alenko's immediate response as he jumped back and instinctively withdrew his pistol, a faint blue glow of biotic potential flaring up and silhouetting his body as he shot a panicked gaze towards the source of the gunshot.<br>Shepard. A smoking pistol in her right, the butt of an assault rifle resting against her left hip in her other arm as she returned his gaze.

_Nice to know I can still use one of these.  
><em>Was Shepard's first and only thought as she casually holstered the small firearm back onto her belted hip.  
>"Are you done sightseeing? We got a beacon to find."<br>She impatiently sneered, soundlessly walking past him, following a beaten path littered with the charred remains of still smoking human corpses...

_***Lub. Dub.***_

"He's dead. Nothing we can do, grab his tag, keep moving."  
>Shepard simply stated, trudging past the fallen soldier and advancing further up the path - her eyes vigilant for any more signs of unwelcomed robotic activity.<p>

"That's little cold, you're not suggesting we just leave him?"  
>Kaidan scoffed, kneeling to close the corporals emptying, dull, lifeless gaze.<p>

"Of course not!"  
>Shepard turned on heavy heels, eyes burning.<br>"I'm suggesting we carry 200lbs of dead weight through apparently hostile territory. You want to hinder yourself and risk our lives for the sake of the deceased or should I..."

"I get your point Commander. Didn't mean to question your..."  
>Kaidan sighed, morosely shaking his head.<p>

"Enough."  
>The commander's voice interrupted sternly, eyes darkening with cold determination, her patience diminishing to a level beyond thin.<br>"Either move out or stay and mourn your little buddy here and inform the Normandy you need a pick up - I'm securing that beacon."

_***Lub. Dub.***_

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, ma'am, from the 212 - are in charge here?"  
>She was breathless, scared shitless, and angry as hell - the anguish of the slaughter she had just narrowly escaped from still etched plainly across her tanned face.<p>

"Give me a status report, Williams."  
>Shepard nodded as she approached the familiar white armored soldier in a leisurely gait, her eyes never leaving the impaled civilian just a few paces down the path from where they stood.<p>

"Oh man..."  
>She moaned, the horrors of all she'd just witnessed still swimming around chaotic and fresh in her mind.<p>

_***Lub. Dub.***_

"Crazy, I'm not crazy! I'm the only sane one left!"  
>A scrawny, balding, gaunt faced scientist growled, desperately attempting to get his point across to the other four individuals occupying the steel bunker, arrogantly positioning himself uncomfortably close to Shepard, his eyes narrowing in critical evaluation of her face.<br>Shepard's brow perked up, her dark amber stare shifting from the crazed male to the female scientist behind him, then slowly returned back to the still staring male.

"Yes, well, Good Night Manual..."  
>She blurted, swinging a heavy arm and planting an armored fist into the side of the crazed scientists skull, an amused smirk bridging across her face as she watched him fall to the ground with a resounding thud.<p>

"Oh my god! What's wrong with you! You can't just go around whacking people in the head!"  
>The female whispered as loudly as her voice would let her - not wanting to alert any nearby Geth to their position.<p>

"That might have been a little extreme, Commander..."  
>Kaidan spoke lowly over Shepard's shoulder.<p>

"You're going to find yourself alongside Jenkins if you keep this method of questioning up, Lieutenant..."  
>Shepard sneered in passing, her precarious tone causing Alenko to shift his gaze to Manuel's unconcious form whilst nervously clearing his throat - mentally re-evaluating his opinion. Rolling her eyes in frustration, Shepard continued a languid pace towards the exit of the bunker.<p>

_***Lub. Dub.***_

"Look at the size of that thing!"  
>Kaidan shouted above the familiar roaring, pulsating, deafening noise of the machine Shepard saw on the distress signal video just hours prior.<p>

"It's a ship! Jesus Christ, that things a monster!"  
>Chief Ashley Williams responded loudly, squinting her eyes to watch the massive vessel blast violently off the ground and retreat rapidly back into the ominously reddened hued skies, billowing clouds of suffocating black smoke trailing behind.<p>

"Shit! SEEK COVER!"  
>Shepard suddenly hollered, averting her eyes long enough from the ship to spot a small patrol of Geth and what was earlier encountered and labeled as 'husks'.<br>Gunfire erupted, and the powerful electrical discharges of element zero flooded the air, emitting a distinct crackling noise and disrupting both Shepard's and William's shields.

"Those must of been what's left of the colonists..."  
>William's panted, running up to stand alongside the Commander.<p>

"Poor bastards..."  
>Shepard muttered under her breath.<p>

_***Lub. Dub.***_

A Turian body lay lifeless on the ground, intense fires burning all around, the signs of massarcre and destruction polluting the once peaceful landscape of Eden Prime. Kiadan knelt to his knees, checking the Turian for life signs. The grim emotion that stained his features signifying to Shepard that he found none.  
>"It's Nihlus, Commander. He.."<p>

"Someone's here." Shepard hissed, instinctively raising her rifle, pointing menacingly towards a bundle of crates, "Get out here, now!"

"Don't shoot! I didn't kill that guy!"  
>A man surfaced in a panic from behind a stack of crates, his arms raised in surrender over his head.<br>"I suggest you keep talking..."  
>Kaidan stepped forward, casting a narrow gaze between the man and Shepard.<p>

"Saren! The dead Turian called him Saren! He shot him point blank! Back of the head!"

_***Lub. Dub.***_

"Normandy, this is Lieutenant Commander Shepard. The beacon is secured, awaiting extraction"  
>She paced back and forth, two fingers placed on the comm piece wedged in her ear.<p>

"Roger that, Commander. Good Work, Normandy incoming - Anderson out."  
>A relieved reply emerged from the always constant static.<p>

"Willliam's gather up whatever sup... Lieutenant!"  
>Shepard cursed as she noticed her Lieutenant lift off the ground before a now activated beacon, arms extended wide, shaking violently, uncontrollably, struggled grunting of unbearable pain wracking through his form. She took the initiative, using the force of a hard run and propelled leap to knock Kaidan's body from the eerie glow that surrounded him, but unfortunately placed herself in its grasp instead. Immediately she felt herself weightless, helpless, agitated - but all those emotions were measured by milliseconds before images began burning themselves into her mind. Excruciating pain blinded her, forcing her eyes to loll into the back of her head, her mouth twisted and teeth gritting instinctively against the rushing torrents of agony that effortlessly consumed her. Bodies filled her vision, the smell of smoke and decay permeating her nostrils, sounds of voices - shrieking deafened her ears. Flesh being torn forcefully from a body, revealing a motherboard of technology beneath, synthetic but not Geth. More shrieking, more bloodshed, the indomitable choking feeling of hopelessness and sorrow dominating her mind - Shepard felt hot aggravated tears stream down her cheeks as her body continued to convulse in mid air.<p>

"Commander!"  
>Kaidan screamed, scrambling to get back onto his feet, crawling desperately.<p>

"No, Don't touch her!"  
>William's forcefully cautioned, dragging Kaidan back down to his knees and holding him in place.<p>

The image's were becoming more intense, more vivid, but too fast, forcing a distressing roar to emanate from the Commander's throat. A ship hovered in the vision, twitching, alive - it's shape bearing a likeness to the one she had previously seen fleeing Eden Prime's surface. Several planets loomed into view, more flesh, more parts, more shrieking - then there was only darkness...  
>An explosion rocked the surrounding area - overloaded, sending Shepard flying several feet back and forcefully landing against a hard ground. Her vision was blurred with eyes wide open, frantically shifting from side to side, her mind racing and aching painfully at the same time before she finally succumbed to unconsciousness, her body instantly ceasing with its involuntary seizures.<p>

"Shit, shit, shit! Is she breathing?"  
>Kaidan panicked, racing to stand over Shepard's side, running his hands across the back of his neck before dropping to his knees.<p>

"I...I don't know. I think so - I... fuck! Commander, can you hear me?"  
>William's answered, slapping the unconscious Commander's cheeks, repeatedly checking for a pulse.<p>

_***Lub. Dub.***_

Commander? Can you hear me?

A face...  
>She recognized it. His dark hair, wide and worried brown eyes, his throaty voice surprisingly soothing (although she would never admit it). Without thinking Shepard let a small groan free itself from her lungs, blinking her eyes rapidly to accustom themselves to the dimmed light levels.<p>

"Doctor! Dr. Chakwas, I think she's waking up!"  
>He dutifully informed, taking a step back from his Commander's side.<p>

"Where am I... What happened...?"  
>Shepard gritted through her teeth, frustrated and confused, instinctively bringing a trembling hand to cradle her achingly pounding head. It felt damn near ready to explode.<br>"Shit.."  
>She gasped as she moved too fast to get up - dizziness, nausea, too much pain coursing behind her tightly shut eyes.<p>

"Relax, Commander. You took a pretty big hit to the head when you landed."  
>Lieutenant Alenko responded gently, she felt a hand on her shoulder as if trying to deter her from rising to her feet.<p>

"Welcome back, Commander. We were worried there for a second..."  
>A British accented women spoke out.<br>"How do you feel?"

Shepard blinked a couple more times, shaking her head, the visions still etched vibrantly into the wisp like shadows that loomed behind her eyelids.  
>"Like the morning after shore leave, several dozen of them, in fact.."<br>She moaned, cursing beneath a hissed breath as she again attempted to stand.

"In response to your earlier questions, you're back on the Normandy in the sick bay to be exact."  
>Chakwas watched with an amused arched eyebrow as she folded her arms watching the Commander attempt to shoo away her lieutenant from her side.<br>"Lieutenant, would you like to tell her what happened?"

"I... we dragged you back here after that beacon somehow activated, I must of triggered something, I'm sorry I put you in harm's way, Commander, this is all my fault..."

"No fucking kidding!"  
>Shepard glared angrily, her eyes raging balls of fire before cringing at the volume of her own voice and stumbling back to rub her forehead.<br>"You endangered the mission down there, Alenko, and our lives - God... why'd you drag me back here and not a local hospital!"  
>Annoyance began carving its way into her voice.<p>

"With all due respect, it was better they brought you back here - we have far better treatments to handle these sorts of things, and I'm almost near positive the local hospitals had their hands full with their own people."

"What people! They were all mutilated! Impaled every single one of them! And shortly thereafter somehow...transformed..."  
>Shepard scrunched up her face into a darkened scowl, recalling the glowing eyes, twisted expressions, and monotone moans that they emitted - were they screams trying to get out? a person screaming for help but could no longer manage due to the...whatever happened to them...<p>

The doctor raised her hands defensibly before her, nodding her head and relaxing her pose in a silent motion to inspire a verbal ceasefire. She was in no mood to pester the Commander's all ready shortened tempers, she was Anderson's concern now.  
>A hiss sounded on the far end of the room.<p>

"Ah, speak of the devil."  
>Dr. Chakwas chuckled lightly, under her breath.<p>

"Greetings Doctor, how's my XO doing?"

"She's fine, whenever she's finished moping I'm sure she'll be more then happy to give you a debrief."  
>The Doctor grinned.<p>

"Right, moping..."  
>Shepard grumbled, folding her arms, her irritated amber eyes shifting from figuratively burning holes into Alenko's face to Anderson's.<p>

"I'll get out of your way than, sir."  
>Alenko dipped his head and saluted to Anderson in passing, Dr. Chakwas not far behind.<p>

"We lost Jenkins, sir. Before you badger me, let me inform you it wasn't my fault I..."  
>Anderson immediately halted her defensive rambling by raising two large stern hands before his chest.<br>"What happened to Jenkins was unfortunate, I've read Alenko's report. There was nothing you could've done. You were only doing things by the book."

"By the book..."  
>Shepard muttered, shaking her head. Too many times had she heard that phrase during her trials and from investigators that researched diligently into the matter of what the hell happened on Torfan.<p>

"If you've read the report, then you all ready know how much Intel fucked up. Pretty big swing and a miss forgetting to mention there were Geth all over that colony."  
>Shepard grumbled, pushing herself off the bed to stand at ease.<br>"And the beacon...the mission failed sir, I don't know how but it was destroyed..."

"Yea, I heard that too, self destructed after giving you one hell of a jolt I heard."  
>Anderson arced an eyebrow.<br>"According to you were dreaming pretty intensely, care to elaborate?"

"I... there was, death. And suffering, something synthetic... I couldn't get their fears out of my head. It was like watching an apocalypse swallow you whole."  
>Shepard bowed her head, rambling her thoughts - trying to explain the jumble of images she was forced to endure before resetting her darkened stare on Anderson.<br>"I think it was a warning, sir..."

Anderson sighed loudly, his frown matching Shepard's own as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  
>"The councils going to want to hear about all this. The destroyed beacon, what happened to Nihlus, the dock worker's accusation of Saren, and this vision of yours too."<p>

Shepard laughed in obvious disbelief.  
>"They'll think I'm crazy! I'm all ready on a short leash! I don't need insane stamped onto my permanent service record too. Bad things happen in jail to the criminally insane! Trust me!"<p>

"Do you have any intention of returning to a cell?"  
>Anderson inquired simply.<p>

"I.."  
>Shepard hesitated at the question before slumping her shoulders forward.<br>"No sir..."

"Well then, we got nothing to worry about then. We'll discuss our findings with the council. Head up to the cockpit when you're ready. Inform Joker to prepare the Normandy for docking with the Citadel."

"We're all ready there? How long was I out?"  
>Shepard's stare widened.<p>

"Too damn long, Commander, You're behind in your duties! Now get your sorry ass back up on deck."  
>Anderson informed her, turning to leave the medical bay, his authoritive posture never faltering as he stepped through the doors.<p>

"Great..."  
>Shepard growled to herself.<br>_Murderer, Butcher, Ex Convict, and soon to be known galaxy-wide as insane._ _Mother will be so proud..._  
>This was going to be a fun day...<p> 


End file.
